Deep sea diving

The feeling of being trapped is a common sentiment I hear from people from all walks of life and I see it in our art and media. Whether it is a trap set by emotions or a physical set of restraints holding someone down, it leaves the individual with a broken spirit and utter sense of desperation. It is often shown that compliance and acceptance are simply a "better" option than resistance. The abused wife stays with her abusive husband and "gets by." The mentally ill resident complies with staff rules instead of acting out. Humans controlling humans.

I recently read a small novella which has also been adapted to film called The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. It's the story of a man who suffers a stroke leaving him "locked-in" to his body. He has complete awareness, but is utterly paralyzed except for his left eye-lid and some muscles in his neck. He relates his day to day experiences and notable happenings as well as reflections on the life he had that he will never have back. It's astonishing to discover that he wrote the entire book in his head and dictated it to a "speech therapist" via the blinks of his left eye over the course of two months.

It was a remarkably quick read for me and the simple and poignant writing makes the most simple of experiences seems profound. Bauby (the author) also manages such ironic humour that it truly is a terribly uplifting story. He likens the act of removing a fly from his nose to olympic wrestling and goes into an ecstasy over the scent of french fries. He is profoundly aware of his situation and holds no delusions about getting better.

Over my reflection of being trapped, Bauby comments in his writing. He recalls a certain French leader who when imprisoned for years, saved his sanity by recalling every year and variety of wine he knew of. Bauby himself reflects on his favorite experiences, both painful and sublime: traveling on the verge of breakup with an ex-girlfriend, taking his son to a play, and the fanciful stories woven by a school age friend from his past.

It was refreshing to read a story and a true one at that, which is utterly hopeless and desperate yet left me with an overwhelming sense of victory. More than anything Bauby has the attitude that since he has nothing better, he gains nothing by falling into self-pity and depression. He is unconquerable with nothing to prove to anyone. And indeed he died a mere two days after his book was published.