It's still sinking in. We bought a new place. The frigid mornings, the hour drive for a hot shower, the constant pulling of a lighter from my pocket for light, they're all distant memories. The list of little conveniences could go and go, but we're finding that our quality of life and overall day to day stability is greatly improved.
It comes at a cost. One that we haven't fully grasped, but as the post purchase high wears off, it's sure to make an impact. There is suddenly more pressure to perform in order to afford, but since most of my time is spent in the same space over and over. It makes sense to have a friendly, predictable, and comfortable space.
There are suddenly big opportunities too. A produce business has been left behind, at our mercy to resurrect. It's an enormous curiousity with potential. One terrific experiement to have a go with and see. Again, priorities have shifted, but I won't complain about that. I feel lucky right now, like somebody has done a great favor for us, but there is a small doubt that insists we will regret this. The money and pressure will come down. That I know very intimitely. But like so often, I'm confronted with the mutual exchange constantly at work prodding us forward. Being rewarded for "doing good" and threatened with punishment for becoming neglectful.
Onward we go to this next great adventure. Oh but the cabin has not left my mind.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
I want it.
My weight is 175 in gym clothes. A ten minute sweat followed by an hour or more of strain has become a normalcy. I want ten more pounds by October 3rd.
I played music at the centennial celebration. It was about 50 minutes of playing straight and I think I may have finally learned how to simply have fun by myself again. As a kid I always knew how to simply "be" and enjoy where I was at and what I was doing. Then life got in my way and I learned to be oh so concerned with the people around me. I'm glad I'm getting better that way. I want to do more music. More Hugo's jams need to happen. More Bone Lesions bullshit. And I just need to flat out play more on my own, learn more and be more intentional. It goes hand in hand with this fitness idea and this relationship idea. With everything, I do it because I mean it and I want it.
I want to weigh 185 by October 3rd of 2012.
I want to put together enough material to play gigs at the Lighthouse and at Hugo's before the year is out.
I want to have a wonderful winter in the woods with the one I love.
I played music at the centennial celebration. It was about 50 minutes of playing straight and I think I may have finally learned how to simply have fun by myself again. As a kid I always knew how to simply "be" and enjoy where I was at and what I was doing. Then life got in my way and I learned to be oh so concerned with the people around me. I'm glad I'm getting better that way. I want to do more music. More Hugo's jams need to happen. More Bone Lesions bullshit. And I just need to flat out play more on my own, learn more and be more intentional. It goes hand in hand with this fitness idea and this relationship idea. With everything, I do it because I mean it and I want it.
I want to weigh 185 by October 3rd of 2012.
I want to put together enough material to play gigs at the Lighthouse and at Hugo's before the year is out.
I want to have a wonderful winter in the woods with the one I love.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
The lifestylin'
Summer has arrived. The bugs are getting thick. The heat and humidity are getting opressive and the list of projects to complete grows larger. Firewood needs to be cut and split. Interior renovations are becoming more urgent. Many things that winter will want complete are nagging. The changing of the seasons sets my bearings and orients my focus on what is most important. Winter was a hardship and many things went the direction of good fortune and spared me more hardship. This next winter I hope to not have to rely on luck and the generosity of others. Having good neighbors is a wonderful thing, but being a good neighbor is even better.
We have refrigeration. Being well into June with temperatures reaching 90+ degrees, it's about damn time. I haven't gauged the LP consumption yet, and a fair bit was wasted buggering around with the old Servel for several weeks. The first morning it was actually running though, the temp read 21 degrees in the refrigerator compartment. Some tweaking got the temp to a reasonable 36 degrees and hopefully it will stay around there.
I have gained five pounds. I still feel skinny, but considerably stronger in some ways. I have been episode free since I last reported. My diligence has paid off, but I'm not planning on simply riding this plateau from here on out. Because this has to be a lifestyle thing, I'm bothered by how much time I put into it, but yet I'm learning to not put off life and only stretch my boundaries in small amounts. Not so far as to get comfortable and forget where I ought to be starting from each day. I'm not exactly sure how woking overnights will effect me in the longer term. So far no ill effects that aren't cured by plain old sleep. That being the only thing that consistently bothers me. Going without is an easy thing to cheat on when life insists on happening and I am inclined to go along. I've become much better at napping. I can nap without being tired. My body seems to understand that to do it now, is better than to suffer later. The positive effects of a pre-nap are very apparent come 10-12 hours later. Cortisol levels be damned, my lifestyle is fitting me very well right now. Life is generally free of frustrations, besides some of the usuals that won't go away for a long time. I am more productive than I am used to and my satisfaction and good mood follows suit. Priorities are more apparent. Patience has been moderatly restored. I am busy, but I find small moments to slow down and regain my balance.
What's next? Well we have toyed with the idea of moving on to a bigger, better, and more permanent place, but after exploring our options, it looks like we will stay put for a spell. We have a good idea of what's ultimately important, and our current spread will not fulfill that picture. I do feel a better sense of time, how much I have and how quickly it's going away. Some of the anxiety I was feeling over the past year and some, has substantially receded. Some unknowns may yet surface and we are prepared as best we can, but the worst case scenarios seem both unlikely and not really that bad. So with the modest improvements we have done and will continue to do, we are assured that our investments are not in vain and our mental well being is more secure. In other words, if our neighbors really decide to be pricks, they can only potentially take away a small piece of our lifestyle without completely altering our life. The importance of our lifestyle is of course lost on them and will always be, but they are of little importance in a big wide world.
Just for fun, the winter prep list looks something like this:
Cut and split 6 cord of firewood.
Obtain plow truck.
Enclose and vapor barrier beneath house.
Remove old door, frame, insulate and panel entire back bedroom.
Replace broken window pane and reglaze all window panes in kitchen.
Tear out rotting sheetrock and panel kitchen.
Add insulation and replace paneling in living room.
Side and paint exterior of house.
Finish porch and new patio.
Dig gray water line into ground and construct drain.
Obtain wardrobe and hutch for bedroom and kitchen respectivly.
Live, love and be warm.
We have refrigeration. Being well into June with temperatures reaching 90+ degrees, it's about damn time. I haven't gauged the LP consumption yet, and a fair bit was wasted buggering around with the old Servel for several weeks. The first morning it was actually running though, the temp read 21 degrees in the refrigerator compartment. Some tweaking got the temp to a reasonable 36 degrees and hopefully it will stay around there.
I have gained five pounds. I still feel skinny, but considerably stronger in some ways. I have been episode free since I last reported. My diligence has paid off, but I'm not planning on simply riding this plateau from here on out. Because this has to be a lifestyle thing, I'm bothered by how much time I put into it, but yet I'm learning to not put off life and only stretch my boundaries in small amounts. Not so far as to get comfortable and forget where I ought to be starting from each day. I'm not exactly sure how woking overnights will effect me in the longer term. So far no ill effects that aren't cured by plain old sleep. That being the only thing that consistently bothers me. Going without is an easy thing to cheat on when life insists on happening and I am inclined to go along. I've become much better at napping. I can nap without being tired. My body seems to understand that to do it now, is better than to suffer later. The positive effects of a pre-nap are very apparent come 10-12 hours later. Cortisol levels be damned, my lifestyle is fitting me very well right now. Life is generally free of frustrations, besides some of the usuals that won't go away for a long time. I am more productive than I am used to and my satisfaction and good mood follows suit. Priorities are more apparent. Patience has been moderatly restored. I am busy, but I find small moments to slow down and regain my balance.
What's next? Well we have toyed with the idea of moving on to a bigger, better, and more permanent place, but after exploring our options, it looks like we will stay put for a spell. We have a good idea of what's ultimately important, and our current spread will not fulfill that picture. I do feel a better sense of time, how much I have and how quickly it's going away. Some of the anxiety I was feeling over the past year and some, has substantially receded. Some unknowns may yet surface and we are prepared as best we can, but the worst case scenarios seem both unlikely and not really that bad. So with the modest improvements we have done and will continue to do, we are assured that our investments are not in vain and our mental well being is more secure. In other words, if our neighbors really decide to be pricks, they can only potentially take away a small piece of our lifestyle without completely altering our life. The importance of our lifestyle is of course lost on them and will always be, but they are of little importance in a big wide world.
Just for fun, the winter prep list looks something like this:
Cut and split 6 cord of firewood.
Obtain plow truck.
Enclose and vapor barrier beneath house.
Remove old door, frame, insulate and panel entire back bedroom.
Replace broken window pane and reglaze all window panes in kitchen.
Tear out rotting sheetrock and panel kitchen.
Add insulation and replace paneling in living room.
Side and paint exterior of house.
Finish porch and new patio.
Dig gray water line into ground and construct drain.
Obtain wardrobe and hutch for bedroom and kitchen respectivly.
Live, love and be warm.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Discipline and Gaining Weight
I have tried this before and once I recall a measure of success, but for the most part it has always been failure. My patience widdled away at until I become distracted, leading me to rationalize and finally fully give up. Yes, I'm trying to gain weight again. Though this time the focus has been bent ever so slightly.
I was hospitalized (willingly) due to a malady that has reoccurred off and on for the past 3-4 years. I was told that my health and habits are the only thing that can free me from the recurrence of great pain, discomfort and possibly worse. An operation may help, or it may worsen the condition. I felt left with little option except to make deliberate alterations in my lifestyle.
Chew your food more he said. Eat less, more often. Drink liquids while you eat. Avoid overly processed foods when possible.
So I have a plan. I've always had the idea and I've always failed. So with more at stake finally, maybe my rationalizations will go away and I can gain some true understanding and control over this wry body of mine.
Muscle building 4 times a week. Intense cardio to condition and a full fledged new diet to support the new structure I'm building. Diligence through tracking and monitoring are foreign ideas. Making every movement a deliberate act, filled with purpose and resolve. This isn't failure anymore. It's an ebb and flow, not a sheer drop off. Simple goals, yes. Unobtainable until now, yes.
20 pounds of gain, consistent 7 minute miles, a sprint triathlon, and a better sense of personal capability in my life. Finally. I'm making a plan and it's not about anyone else. It's for me to better me and the methods are for me to determine.
I was hospitalized (willingly) due to a malady that has reoccurred off and on for the past 3-4 years. I was told that my health and habits are the only thing that can free me from the recurrence of great pain, discomfort and possibly worse. An operation may help, or it may worsen the condition. I felt left with little option except to make deliberate alterations in my lifestyle.
Chew your food more he said. Eat less, more often. Drink liquids while you eat. Avoid overly processed foods when possible.
So I have a plan. I've always had the idea and I've always failed. So with more at stake finally, maybe my rationalizations will go away and I can gain some true understanding and control over this wry body of mine.
Muscle building 4 times a week. Intense cardio to condition and a full fledged new diet to support the new structure I'm building. Diligence through tracking and monitoring are foreign ideas. Making every movement a deliberate act, filled with purpose and resolve. This isn't failure anymore. It's an ebb and flow, not a sheer drop off. Simple goals, yes. Unobtainable until now, yes.
20 pounds of gain, consistent 7 minute miles, a sprint triathlon, and a better sense of personal capability in my life. Finally. I'm making a plan and it's not about anyone else. It's for me to better me and the methods are for me to determine.
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